Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World

Key Insights

• Negotiation Is About People: The most important factor in negotiation is the human element—understanding and connecting with the person across the table.
• Perceptions Matter More Than Power: How people view a situation often matters more than objective reality or who has more power.
• Focus on Goals, Not Battles: Effective negotiation focuses on achieving specific goals rather than "winning" at all costs.
• Find Their Standards: Using the other party's standards, perceptions, and values as a tool for negotiation is more effective than imposing yours.
• Make Incremental Trades: Breaking down negotiations into small, manageable pieces creates momentum and builds trust.
• Be Dispassionately Passionate: Care about your goals, but remove destructive emotions from the negotiation process.
• Use Pictures and Stories: Communicating through pictures and stories is more persuasive than abstract arguments or data.
• Every Situation Is Different: There's no one-size-fits-all approach; each negotiation requires adapting to specific circumstances.
• "They" Don't Exist: Avoid generalizing about the other party; focus on individual decision-makers and their specific needs.
• Valuing the Relationship: Most negotiations happen within the context of relationships that need to be maintained or improved.

Favorite Quotes

• "Being 'right' is the booby prize in life, especially in negotiations. It may make you feel good, but it doesn't get you anywhere." (p. 45)
• "People will do things for their own reasons, not for yours." (p. 62)
• "Your greatest weapon in any negotiation is the ability to get up and walk away if you don't like the terms." (p. 167)
• "Getting emotional in a negotiation is like throwing gasoline on a fire—it just inflames the situation." (p. 119)
• "Instead of trying to value things yourself, let the other party tell you what they value. This both reveals information and makes them feel heard." (p. 201)
• "In every negotiation, you should find out what the other party is really trying to meet, not just what they're asking for." (p. 83)
• "The world is neutral. It's your perception of the world that contains value judgments." (p. 236)
• "Use their standards to persuade them. It's much more effective than trying to get them to accept your standards." (p. 127)